One Year - I Did It!

As I'm typing this.. there's 5 more hours left on the counter before it is "officially"one year since I last lit a cigarette, stuck it to my mouth and inhaled. Certainly no risk me messing up that one year stat!

I still remember when I quit quite vividly as it was at the wedding reception of a good friend, I was already quite intoxicated and I figured, hey I've definitely made worse decisions so why not just stop it completely. At that point, I was fighting hard and was down to about 1 or 2 sticks a day.

Do I miss it? Yeah, sometimes.
Did I ever want to light up again? Yeah, crossed my mind several times.
But I don't think I'll go back to it, it was a damn tough experience having to quit.

All in, it's been a somewhat liberating experience. I don't have the dependency anymore. I don't arrive at a new place and immediately case it to figure out where I can go for a smoke. I don't plan ahead on when I need to buy cigarettes. I don't feel have that feeling of guilt that usually happens when my cigarette smoke wafts over to some table/person (especially a kid) and I no longer have to look behind me when walking on the street.

Apart from that, I've had headaches after inhaling second-hand smoke.. especially at places where you can literally chop through the smoke. This was something that never bothered me before. Also, when someone who has just finished smoking stands next to me... that familiar smell makes me miss smoking but at the same time, is quite a put off. Yeah, weird. But, I don't know how my wife put up with it for so long!

Physically, I've put on 5kg... which is a fair amount and definitely not too excessive. From now on, I will definitely start exercising. I really wanted to see how much weight I would put on without having to exercise and quitting smoking.

Well, until next year then!

New Year coming, almost 5 months

Yep, almost 5 months since I've had a cigarette.

There are urges, sometimes. But it usually happens only if I'm sitting next to a chain smoker. The kind who light up every 10-15 minutes.

I've also put on a little more weight. Manageable as I have been underweight all this while. I'm now approaching 74kg, from my past usual weight of 70kg. I expected to hit 75kg so it's not all that bad. People still say I'm skinny... Just because I can't gain weight in the same manner doesn't mean I like being called skinny!

Besides, I wouldn't want to gain anymore weight. It would mean having to get new clothes and with pre-school fees the way they are now, I need to save all I can for my daughter.

Meanwhile, I hope all of you have a good New Year! Let's hope this time next year I can still declare that I am smoke-free.

Almost 4 months

So I'm fast approaching the point where I'm thinking, "Wow, I used to smoke?"

I've been in situations so far where everyone around me is smoking but have not had the urge to ask for one or to steal one and light up.

More importantly, the point of this post is to articulate or to explain what I think is the key to quitting smoking.

1.) You have to want to

And I don't mean you waking up one morning and saying "I wanna quit". It's not so simple. It would probably have to be something you've thought about for a long time, a few months, maybe even a year.

2.) Be prepared for the effects

Whether you choose to quit cold turkey or use some sort of drug (champix, nicorette) etc.. there WILL be physiological effects. Whether you like it or not.

Cold turkey and you'll deal with all the short-temperedness, angsty, and extreme craving type of feelings that will generally make you one of the most unpleasant persons in the world to be around.

Quit with a drug and you'll have a completely different set of side effects, such as constipation, vivid dreams, not being able to sleep, etc

Essentially, the point is, there will be some downside to quitting. But it is only temporary. What is the upside? That's for you to consider.

THREE MONTHS

Yep, I did it! Now for the next 3 months. Any gifts for this achievement? Anyone?

Yeah, figured there'd be none. It has been a lonely journey/challenge, with my mind being my most constant and persistent companion. I'm glad we defeated the Brain and the Body with its unreasonable requests.

G'nite, and thanks for reading. I'll update whenever I feel like it, but I think the goal has been accomplished for now.

Take care!

75 days

Good news. I've been off Champix for.. you know, I can't remember. A week I think.

The moodiness and inability to focus has been there, but it is slowly getting better. Tends to be at its worse during the afternoons.

64 days

Yup, made it past the two month mark.

Now seriously, it is all about weaning off Champix. And if last Saturday (Oct 1) was any indication of how difficult it could be, I'm going to be in trouble. Oct 1 was my fifth day without taking Champix and arguably the most difficult day I've had thus far.

I was not only angsty and short-tempered, but I had a massive headache, blurry eyes and completely unable to focus. My sincere apologies to my wife for the outburst and general pissy attitude which lasted until I finally took a Champix pill to ease the problem.

To be honest, it was exactly like all the withdrawal symptoms one would have BUT without the craving for a cigarette. How weird is that? Quite a mindfuck.

So it seems I am unable to break off Champix just like that. What I've done now is split all my pills and will be taking half pills at 3 day intervals for now - and slowly increasing the duration in between each pill until I no longer need it. I have 20 half pills, but who knows, I might not need as many to get off it.

My first half pill starts tomorrow, well today (Tuesday). This will hopefully be the last stage of fighting a dependence. The next battle, after I'm off the pills, will be making sure I never pick up a cigarette again.

56 days

Still have 11 pills left. Since the last post I've only taken one pill.

If I get through today without feeling too crappy, it would mean 3 consecutive days without a pill.

When I say crappy, it doesn't matter whether I take it or not:

With pill = Nausea or very intense and painful headache (15-30 mins) immediately after taking the pill

Without pill = Nagging low intensity/pain headache (all day) and general inability to focus

I'm sure the "without pill" manifestations are temporary.. as in they'll go away over time, and is simply a function of me having a different dependence, i.e. the pills as opposed to a cigarette.

Damn, it is annoying. It also makes me wonder why the heck I even started smoking in the first place. I also can't wait to be free of this drug dependence.

And when it does, then alcohol would be my only vice!