Ok, its confession time. I had half a stick yesterday at about 2pm.
Its 3.10pm as I write this and I have not had any for today. I'm slowly getting there.
Since starting the drug, I've also been keeping track on when I would usually want to have that first cigarette. I can safely say the Wanting it First Thing in the Morning feeling is gone.
But then the craving peaks sometime at about noon onwards and sometimes its really bad which is when I cave in.
Thinking through, I think the best way to approach it is by holding out for progressively longer periods (after waking) until its basically time to sleep which would effectively mean no cigarettes for that day. Rinse and repeat for the rest of my life. It sounds so simple yeah.
Just to share about how much affinity I have to cigarettes - it reached a level where I've even called them my best friend. Flawed thinking? But I always figured if nothing ever went right and everyone in life abandoned me, cigarettes would always be there. Would make good copy for an ad yeah? Hah, I'm such an addict.
Have been smoke-free for two years. Officially stopped on July 30 2011 and used Champix to survive the withdrawal symptoms. It was my 4th attempt to quit smoking.
Thursday 28 July 2011
Wednesday 27 July 2011
Day 1
It starts today.
No more cigarettes. If I fail on any particular day, I will note it here and hope no one judges :(
Lets hope I do this right this time.
There's a wedding dinner I'm attending on Saturday, that will be a huge challenge as there will be lots of booze.
Observations so far since taking the drug?
- Feeling subdued/not as sharp and unable to focus as quickly as before
- Intense nausea lasting about an hour after swallowing the pill
- Not being out of breath as quickly
- Cigarette after-taste starting to be quite disgusting, also the kick when inhaling is diminishing
- Cravings are still there but withdrawal symptoms are far less intense (vs cold turkey)
Yesterday? 1.5 cigarettes
Getting there.
No more cigarettes. If I fail on any particular day, I will note it here and hope no one judges :(
Lets hope I do this right this time.
There's a wedding dinner I'm attending on Saturday, that will be a huge challenge as there will be lots of booze.
Observations so far since taking the drug?
- Feeling subdued/not as sharp and unable to focus as quickly as before
- Intense nausea lasting about an hour after swallowing the pill
- Not being out of breath as quickly
- Cigarette after-taste starting to be quite disgusting, also the kick when inhaling is diminishing
- Cravings are still there but withdrawal symptoms are far less intense (vs cold turkey)
Yesterday? 1.5 cigarettes
Getting there.
Tuesday 26 July 2011
Day 0
Indulge me while I rant. I mean, otherwise, I just might go out and have a cigarette. Meanwhile, haven't smoked today.. had two sticks yesterday.
This is about driving in Malaysia. Oh yes, that story and also the direct cause of more than 6,000 deaths every year, countless ringgit in money spent on car and infrastructure repairs, hospital bills and broken homes or lost children (Human Potential ya?). Going down the more morbid side of things - some might say its a form of population control or what keeps one sector of the economy going.
Without all those vehicles being destroyed by usually ill-equipped drivers, how are we going to sell more cars and make Malaysia a regional auto-player? Lets keep killing our own people and only export cars with airbags to our overseas markets. Meanwhile, we'll tax the shit out of everyone who wants to get an import car (the only ones with airbags). We all win!
Ah I've just set myself up for a massive conspiracy theory. JPJ is on the take from car manufacturers to ensure they continue to churn out completely useless drivers so that AAM can continue to say there is year-on-year growth in vehicle sales! (and then argue about it with the ministry)
Anyway, I'm sure that isn't really the case. I'm more inclined to believe that its a result of piecemeal/ad-hoc policies that resulted in the clusterfuck we are in now. Something I gained a lot of insight into during my stint at The Star.
What caused this outburst? Seeing a grandpa ferrying 2 of his grandkids (who were not belted up) while busy chatting away with what I assume was his son. This was Jalan Sultan Ismail at peak traffic and I was unfortunately right behind him (he cut in front of me earlier without signalling). Apart from completely not paying attention to the road and braking hard every few seconds, he was obviously indecisive about changing lanes making it unbelievably hard to overtake because he's basically zig-zagging along the white line. Mandatory retests at 65 anyone? I almost knocked him once when overtaking and on the second occasion when I had an opening, there had to be DBKL watering its precious plants and taking up the whole lane.
Which brings me to another point, why the hell do they always water plants at peak hours. And what's the use of all those electronic signboards? You know in Singapore, you'll be informed way before that something's taking up whichever lane for whatever reason.
As much as Malaysia wants to plug itself about being a developed nation soon, and 9 years is soon, nothing's going to change if something as common sense as scheduling when to water plants can't be done. Oh don't even get me started about enforcement of road rules and education of drivers.
This is about driving in Malaysia. Oh yes, that story and also the direct cause of more than 6,000 deaths every year, countless ringgit in money spent on car and infrastructure repairs, hospital bills and broken homes or lost children (Human Potential ya?). Going down the more morbid side of things - some might say its a form of population control or what keeps one sector of the economy going.
Without all those vehicles being destroyed by usually ill-equipped drivers, how are we going to sell more cars and make Malaysia a regional auto-player? Lets keep killing our own people and only export cars with airbags to our overseas markets. Meanwhile, we'll tax the shit out of everyone who wants to get an import car (the only ones with airbags). We all win!
Ah I've just set myself up for a massive conspiracy theory. JPJ is on the take from car manufacturers to ensure they continue to churn out completely useless drivers so that AAM can continue to say there is year-on-year growth in vehicle sales! (and then argue about it with the ministry)
Anyway, I'm sure that isn't really the case. I'm more inclined to believe that its a result of piecemeal/ad-hoc policies that resulted in the clusterfuck we are in now. Something I gained a lot of insight into during my stint at The Star.
What caused this outburst? Seeing a grandpa ferrying 2 of his grandkids (who were not belted up) while busy chatting away with what I assume was his son. This was Jalan Sultan Ismail at peak traffic and I was unfortunately right behind him (he cut in front of me earlier without signalling). Apart from completely not paying attention to the road and braking hard every few seconds, he was obviously indecisive about changing lanes making it unbelievably hard to overtake because he's basically zig-zagging along the white line. Mandatory retests at 65 anyone? I almost knocked him once when overtaking and on the second occasion when I had an opening, there had to be DBKL watering its precious plants and taking up the whole lane.
Which brings me to another point, why the hell do they always water plants at peak hours. And what's the use of all those electronic signboards? You know in Singapore, you'll be informed way before that something's taking up whichever lane for whatever reason.
As much as Malaysia wants to plug itself about being a developed nation soon, and 9 years is soon, nothing's going to change if something as common sense as scheduling when to water plants can't be done. Oh don't even get me started about enforcement of road rules and education of drivers.
Monday 25 July 2011
Day -1
Yep, and so I was basically rendered useless for about 24 hours. That stomach issue got me feeling so ill that I was hurting to the bone, almost flu like.
Am feeling okay today. And just something to note, it may not have been due Champix. I can't be entirely sure of course, but I have a feeling it was something I ate on Friday. I'll be monitoring my diet this week to ensure I don't eat/drink anything out of the norm just to see if it is a side-effect or not.
Because of that unfortunate issue, I was too ill to even consider taking Champix for fear that it might screw me up more, so I skipped one day. Fortunately, it has not ramped up my cravings considerably, I took two sticks on Saturday and two on Sunday and also explains why this posting is labelled Day -1 instead of Day 0.
Day 1 will be when I stop completely.
Am feeling okay today. And just something to note, it may not have been due Champix. I can't be entirely sure of course, but I have a feeling it was something I ate on Friday. I'll be monitoring my diet this week to ensure I don't eat/drink anything out of the norm just to see if it is a side-effect or not.
Because of that unfortunate issue, I was too ill to even consider taking Champix for fear that it might screw me up more, so I skipped one day. Fortunately, it has not ramped up my cravings considerably, I took two sticks on Saturday and two on Sunday and also explains why this posting is labelled Day -1 instead of Day 0.
Day 1 will be when I stop completely.
Friday 22 July 2011
Side-effects?
As I write this I am having massive stomach pains. Probably as excruciating as I've ever experienced in my life. The pain seems like a mix of food poisoning, massive flatulence and purging.
It started at around 7pm, so that's almost four hours now. Have tried the usual charcoal pills and having hot soup but it has not abated. Check on the net reveals that some people do in fact have these kind of side-effects from taking Champix although they say it is merely temporary and that the end goal of being smoke free is all worth it. This did not happen the last time I took Champix.
I sincerely hope it is temporary and that it won't get in the way of work. For the record, only two cigarettes today and honestly no more cravings. Although it could be because my brain is working overtime to tell me that my stomach hurts (Thanks Brain). We'll see how it goes tomorrow, hope I can sleep!
Day -3
Four more days before I kick the habit. I've only had 1 stick today. I've gone through two intense periods of cravings so far but managed to hang on.
As for yesterday, I faltered and had five sticks for the day as I ended up having a few drinks over dinner. So definitely goes to show I'm by no way ready to be drinking (even casually) and not smoking.
Alcohol is obviously a powerful influence - amplifying and quickening the craving for a cigarette. Most of us would probably remember going through a pack or more on heavy drinking nights.
Still need something else to do to get distracted though, I think I'm going to have to hit up the bookstore soon.
As for yesterday, I faltered and had five sticks for the day as I ended up having a few drinks over dinner. So definitely goes to show I'm by no way ready to be drinking (even casually) and not smoking.
Alcohol is obviously a powerful influence - amplifying and quickening the craving for a cigarette. Most of us would probably remember going through a pack or more on heavy drinking nights.
Still need something else to do to get distracted though, I think I'm going to have to hit up the bookstore soon.
Thursday 21 July 2011
Smoking Cues
Ask any long-time smoker why they picked up smoking and they'd easily be able to tell you why. To go into detail about exactly when they pick up a cigarette may be harder as it has become so ingrained and almost as involuntary as breathing.
I'm trying to figure out cues that start me thinking about smoking, then to be self-conscious when these cues occur and then control the cravings. I probably thought about smoking more than a hundred times after drawing this out. I think you can click to expand. And I've probably missed out a lot of other cues, feel free to add it on in the comments.
Day -4
So the key frustration now is dealing with cravings. This morning, I had to sit in a smoking area during breakfast. That was extremely difficult but I did not light up.
Just like the last time I used Champix, withdrawal symptoms are not so apparent. I'm not angsty or short-tempered if compared to when I tried going cold-turkey.
Which I guess is where the value in this drug is, it still leaves me somewhat functional. But I do still feel the urge to light up although after half a cigarette it kinda gets boring (which is good). Still early days I suppose.
I always figured that if I were to go cold turkey I would need a couple of months off from work/family/friends so I don't end up pissing everyone off and destroying the other parts of my life.
Have tried looking around for witty quit smoking cartoons to bring more image content to the blog but it all seems to require paying $$! Will think of more pictures I can take on my own to add to the blog. The images here so far have been taken with my Blackberry.
Meanwhile, have also started graphing how many sticks I'm smoking per day. Will upload the chart month-end. The count for today is two sticks.
Just like the last time I used Champix, withdrawal symptoms are not so apparent. I'm not angsty or short-tempered if compared to when I tried going cold-turkey.
Which I guess is where the value in this drug is, it still leaves me somewhat functional. But I do still feel the urge to light up although after half a cigarette it kinda gets boring (which is good). Still early days I suppose.
I always figured that if I were to go cold turkey I would need a couple of months off from work/family/friends so I don't end up pissing everyone off and destroying the other parts of my life.
Have tried looking around for witty quit smoking cartoons to bring more image content to the blog but it all seems to require paying $$! Will think of more pictures I can take on my own to add to the blog. The images here so far have been taken with my Blackberry.
Meanwhile, have also started graphing how many sticks I'm smoking per day. Will upload the chart month-end. The count for today is two sticks.
Wednesday 20 July 2011
Economics of smoking
Wonder how much smoking costs in $$ terms?
Here we go.
13 years
1st year in Malaysia @ RM3.50 a 20-pack. One pack lasted me three-four days back then. Lets take an average of 10 packs a month which is 120 packs a year. Total= RM420
2nd-4th year in Melbourne @ AUD9 per 20-pack (on average). I increased to smoking a pack every two days during those days - no parents, freedom plus all the illusions that even semi-rebellious teenagers have.
15 packs a month or 180 packs a year which equals AUD1620 per year or AUD4860 for the three years I was there . Taking average exchange rate of RM2.50 per AUD1 = a total of RM12,150.
Hmm, I could have paid a downpayment for a car with that alone.
Smoke much?
5th year onwards back in Malaysia where I still averaged about a pack every two days. Cigarette prices have been rising. In 2001 it was RM5, and in 2011 it is RM10. I can't recall the exact time of the price hikes so just for behind a envelope sort of calculation lets take the median to be RM7.50.
That would be 1,620 packs (for 9 years at 180 packs per year) x RM7.50 which would be a total of RM12,150.
Add everything together and I've spent almost RM25,000 on smoking or an average of almost RM2,000 a year. Also shows how cheap it is to smoke in Malaysia.
Wow.
Here we go.
13 years
1st year in Malaysia @ RM3.50 a 20-pack. One pack lasted me three-four days back then. Lets take an average of 10 packs a month which is 120 packs a year. Total= RM420
2nd-4th year in Melbourne @ AUD9 per 20-pack (on average). I increased to smoking a pack every two days during those days - no parents, freedom plus all the illusions that even semi-rebellious teenagers have.
15 packs a month or 180 packs a year which equals AUD1620 per year or AUD4860 for the three years I was there . Taking average exchange rate of RM2.50 per AUD1 = a total of RM12,150.
Hmm, I could have paid a downpayment for a car with that alone.
Smoke much?
5th year onwards back in Malaysia where I still averaged about a pack every two days. Cigarette prices have been rising. In 2001 it was RM5, and in 2011 it is RM10. I can't recall the exact time of the price hikes so just for behind a envelope sort of calculation lets take the median to be RM7.50.
That would be 1,620 packs (for 9 years at 180 packs per year) x RM7.50 which would be a total of RM12,150.
Add everything together and I've spent almost RM25,000 on smoking or an average of almost RM2,000 a year. Also shows how cheap it is to smoke in Malaysia.
Wow.
One reason
One of the reasons why I'm quitting. Say hello to my just turned one-year-old daughter :)
Day -5
I just read a disturbing article about the drug I'm using - Champix on CNN
Have always known about the side effects, i.e. some people may feel depressed or suicidal. None of that for me at this point however.
And as I mentioned earlier, I am feeling distant. In the sense where I may not register things as quickly as before or its harder for me to concentrate. I do hope it passes in time.
Cigarette count for today is two. Two by 3pm! I'm quite happy. Aim for tomorrow is for one stick by 3pm. I failed yesterday however, ended up having five sticks in total. Hmm, need more distractions. Five more days to zero smokes.
If I have time later I'm going to compile how much cigarette smoking over the past 13 years has cost me in terms of monetary value. Damage to my health and the health of those around me would be unquantifiable though.
Have always known about the side effects, i.e. some people may feel depressed or suicidal. None of that for me at this point however.
And as I mentioned earlier, I am feeling distant. In the sense where I may not register things as quickly as before or its harder for me to concentrate. I do hope it passes in time.
Cigarette count for today is two. Two by 3pm! I'm quite happy. Aim for tomorrow is for one stick by 3pm. I failed yesterday however, ended up having five sticks in total. Hmm, need more distractions. Five more days to zero smokes.
If I have time later I'm going to compile how much cigarette smoking over the past 13 years has cost me in terms of monetary value. Damage to my health and the health of those around me would be unquantifiable though.
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Day -6
Think the other posts will have to wait as I just realised how plain the blog looks!
Meanwhile, I am craving. Three sticks so far today. Would normally have had double that by this time. My average in the past week has been four-five sticks a day compared to about 10 usually.
I'm starting to get sleepy at unusual hours (like now!) and my appetite has definitely increased. Will have to do some exercise even if its just situps/pushups. Also feeling a little distant and prone to zoning out.
Meanwhile, I am craving. Three sticks so far today. Would normally have had double that by this time. My average in the past week has been four-five sticks a day compared to about 10 usually.
I'm starting to get sleepy at unusual hours (like now!) and my appetite has definitely increased. Will have to do some exercise even if its just situps/pushups. Also feeling a little distant and prone to zoning out.
Monday 18 July 2011
Day -7
The reason I set up this blog is to help motivate me further as I try to quit smoking, and for those who have quit who might understand better, its to give me something extra to keep me occupied so I don't light up.
I will attempt to post an entry every single day so I have a record of how I'm doing. If all goes well, I should be smoke-free in 3 months time, and there should be 90 entries!
I've been smoking since I was 18, when a pack of 20 cigarettes used to cost RM3.50 per pack. I'm now 30 years old and a 20-pack costs RM10.
My first attempt at quitting was when I was 19, I failed miserably.
My second attempt at quitting was when I was 23, I lasted one month cold turkey.
My third attempt was to use the drug Champix in early-2009, it went well for six weeks and then I could not afford it.
This is my fourth and hopefully final attempt. I'm once again using Champix. Its been 7 days, enough time for the drug to build up its presence in the body. The next 7 days will be crucial.
By the end of this week, I should no longer be picking up a cigarette but will instead be fighting the demons in my head day in and day out.
Tomorrow, why I started smoking in the first place.
I will attempt to post an entry every single day so I have a record of how I'm doing. If all goes well, I should be smoke-free in 3 months time, and there should be 90 entries!
I've been smoking since I was 18, when a pack of 20 cigarettes used to cost RM3.50 per pack. I'm now 30 years old and a 20-pack costs RM10.
My first attempt at quitting was when I was 19, I failed miserably.
My second attempt at quitting was when I was 23, I lasted one month cold turkey.
My third attempt was to use the drug Champix in early-2009, it went well for six weeks and then I could not afford it.
This is my fourth and hopefully final attempt. I'm once again using Champix. Its been 7 days, enough time for the drug to build up its presence in the body. The next 7 days will be crucial.
By the end of this week, I should no longer be picking up a cigarette but will instead be fighting the demons in my head day in and day out.
Tomorrow, why I started smoking in the first place.
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